‘Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them–that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.‘
––Lao Tzu
It feels strange to be writing about embracing suffering when my main aim in writing this blog is to help to reduce unnecessary suffering.
But, as everyone knows, there are times in life when we experience unwanted situations that lead us to suffer–be it physically, mentally, or both.
I have recently come to realise that even in these situations, much of the suffering I face is optional and self-inflicted.
This is mainly because of my resistance to the situation and my tendency to indulge in feelings of victimhood.
There are times when resistance is the correct way forward, but that’s a different kind of resistance–like resisting tyranny.
The sort of resistance I’m referring to here (resisting an inevitable situation) doesn’t solve problems. It actually creates more problems and suffering.
And so, recently, I tried a new approach. It’s not new in the sense that it’s original–just that it was something I hadn’t tried many times before.
Embracing Suffering
Recently, when an unwanted situation arose, I went into my default mode of resistance and victimhood.
But this reaction made me feel horrible. And I felt stuck because the situation wasn’t going to change for the foreseeable future.
And so I realised that I had to do something to help myself.
I wanted to explore new ways of seeing the situation and approaching it.
So, here’s what I did:
- I made a decision to fully accept the situation for the time being, without resisting it. This freed up a lot of energy and mental space for more helpful actions.
- I went outside and sat in the garden with my eyes closed, took a deep breath and asked for guidance–from Source/God, my higher-self, anyone. As I sat there, enjoying the sunshine on my eyelids, a thought popped into my head. It said, ‘I trust in God.’ I felt better immediately.
- I then had the realisation that this situation was part of a greater plan that I didn’t fully know or understand and that this was still ok.
- I reflected on how Source/God had carried me safely through so many unwanted situations and challenges previously, and I felt the knowing that I would be ok this time around too.
- I had the realisation that this situation, though challenging, brought many new opportunities with it too–things that could be good for me and my family.
All of this helped to calm me down and think clearly again.
And then, I made a conscious decision to shift from fear and victimhood to courage and being willing to work hard to achieve a positive outcome.
I told myself that I was going to rise up to the situation and do my best to plan, prepare and navigate it in a positive way, so I could secure a good outcome, and make use of the all the opportunities the situation contained.
Since much of my suffering was due to a fear of the unknown, I did my best to learn and research, so I could reduce the extent of the unknown and reassure myself.
As I write this post, the situation is very much still a work in progress.
But I’m happy to report that I have made good progress. Things have already shifted towards the positive in a big way.
I’m beginning to feel confident in myself and my ability to handle this situation well.
I just need to stay on track and keep going.
Concluding Thoughts
The next time I face a challenge, or an unwanted situation, I’d like to do better than before and have a better experience.
I would like to simply accept what is happening and do my best to face the situation in a constructive way.
I now realise that the first step in doing this is to embrace the situation as it is–to embrace suffering–and work to transmute this into something good.
And then, there will be no more ‘unwanted situations’– just life unfolding, and me flowing with it.
I would like to leave you with these words from Herman Hesse, a German novelist and poet:
‘Love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is only your aversion to it that hurts, nothing else.’
I wish you peace, courage and success in navigating your own challenges.