Happiness

Happiness is one of the main topics I write about. This is because of its importance to us as individuals, and also because of the impact it has on humanity as a whole.

As I point out in my writing, happiness is not just about ‘feeling good’. It’s also a vibrational state that helps us to create and attract the most fulfilling life experience possible. When applied collectively, in adequate numbers, happiness can transform our world.

  • How We Grow

    How We Grow

    ‘If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?’
    ––Rumi

    Growing is a part of being alive.

    If we’re not growing, we’re dying.

    Usually, much of growing happens automatically, without any effort on our part.

    But sometimes, growth demands that we put in effort.

    And that’s when we truly grow.

    This sort of growth affects us physically, mentally and spiritually. It changes us at a deep level.

    It is often uncomfortable–painful, even.

    But the level of growth we can achieve, usually matches the level of pain we experience.

    The ego doesn’t want change. And the ego doesn’t want pain.

    So, we have to put in lots of effort in order to overcome the resistance that the ego is experiencing in the situation.

    Yes, we need the ‘hard’ qualities like determination and grittiness to handle these situations.

    But because we have to overcome the ego (which only understands control and domination), we also need the ‘soft’ qualities like patience, humility and surrender to get the job done.

    And that’s how we grow.

    We grow when we keep trying, even though everything inside us wants us to give up.

    We grow when we choose to stay, when we want so much to run away.

    And we grow when we learn to handle the pain of the situation and stay with it, trusting that it will end at some point, and that something good will come out of it.

    As the saying goes, it’s the pressure that creates the diamond.

    What makes all of this possible (and is interestingly, also the thing that helps us to grow the most) is when we learn to see the uncomfortable situation as an opportunity for our growth and evolution––to see it as something ‘good’ and not as something ‘bad’.

    This is mental and spiritual alchemy.

    We’re taking something difficult and painful, and through our effort, we’re transmuting it into something good, and birthing the new and better version of ourselves that we’re meant to become.

    As lofty an idea as this might be, I can’t in all sincerity say that I wish this for myself or another.

    But life can and does still send these opportunities our way from time to time.

    So what I can, and do wish, is that whenever this happens, we can recognise the opportunity and rise to the occasion; that we can go through the difficult times with grace and humility and come out the other side as victors.

    And remember, as the spiritual teacher Bashar says, some situations and life lessons are pre-determined by our Higher Self.

    And we may have to endure passing through a dark tunnel from time to time, as a result.

    But even then, we still get to choose whether we crawl our way through, or skip and dance instead.

    So, happy dancing!


  • Embracing Suffering

    Embracing Suffering

    ‘Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them–that only creates sorrow.
    Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.’
    ––Lao Tzu

    It feels strange to be writing about embracing suffering when my main aim in writing this blog is to help to reduce unnecessary suffering.

    But, as everyone knows, there are times in life when we experience unwanted situations that lead us to suffer–be it physically, mentally, or both.

    I have recently come to realise that even in these situations, much of the suffering I face is optional and self-inflicted.

    This is mainly because of my resistance to the situation and my tendency to indulge in feelings of victimhood.

    There are times when resistance is the correct way forward, but that’s a different kind of resistance–like resisting tyranny.

    The sort of resistance I’m referring to here (resisting an inevitable situation) doesn’t solve problems. It actually creates more problems and suffering.

    And so, recently, I tried a new approach. It’s not new in the sense that it’s original–just that it was something I hadn’t tried many times before.

    Embracing Suffering

    Recently, when an unwanted situation arose, I initially went into my default mode of resistance and victimhood.

    But this reaction made me feel horrible. And I felt stuck because the situation wasn’t going to change for the foreseeable future.

    And so I realised that I had to do something to help myself.

    I wanted to explore new ways of seeing the situation and approaching it.

    So, here’s what I did:

    • I made a decision to fully accept the situation for the time being, without resisting it. This freed up a lot of energy and mental space for more helpful actions.
    • I went outside and sat in the garden with my eyes closed, took a deep breath and asked for guidance–from Source/God, my higher-self, anyone. As I sat there, enjoying the sunshine on my eyelids, a thought popped into my head. It said, ‘I trust in God.’ I felt better immediately.
    • I then had the realisation that this situation was part of a greater plan that I didn’t fully know or understand and that this was still ok.
    • I reflected on how Source/God had carried me safely through so many unwanted situations and challenges previously, and I felt the knowing that I would be ok this time around too.
    • I had the realisation that this situation, though challenging, brought many new opportunities with it too–things that could be good for me and my family.

    All of this helped me to calm down and think clearly again.

    And then, I made a conscious decision to shift from fear and victimhood to courage and being willing to work hard to achieve a positive outcome.

    I told myself that I was going to rise up to the situation and do my best to plan, prepare and navigate it in a positive way, so I could secure a good outcome, and make use of the all the opportunities the situation contained.

    Since much of my suffering was due to a fear of the unknown, I did my best to learn and research, so I could reduce the extent of the unknown and reassure myself.

    As I write this post, the situation is very much still a work in progress.

    But I’m happy to report that things have already shifted towards the positive in a big way.

    I’m beginning to feel confident in myself and my ability to handle this situation well.

    I just need to stay on track and keep going.

    Concluding Thoughts

    The next time I face a challenge, or an unwanted situation, I’d like to do better than before and have a better experience.

    I would like to simply accept what is happening and do my best to face the situation in a constructive way.

    I now realise that the first step in doing this is to embrace the situation as it is–to embrace suffering–and work to transmute this into something good.

    And then, there will be no more ‘unwanted situations’– just life unfolding, and me flowing with it.

    I would like to leave you with these words from Herman Hesse, a German novelist and poet:

    ‘Love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is only your aversion to it that hurts, nothing else.’

    I wish you peace, courage and success in navigating your own challenges.

    Resources


  • ‘Discard everything that does not spark joy.’
    –Marie Kondo

    Marie Kondo is celebrated for her work in helping people to tidy their homes through her KonMari Method.

    On of the main tenets of her teachings is getting rid of clutter.

    Her test for deciding if you should continue to keep something is simple: ask yourself whether it ‘sparks joy’ when you pick it up.

    If it’s a ‘yes’, you get to keep it. But if it’s a ‘no’, it’s time for you to let it go and allow it to find a new home.

    This technique can be equally useful when it comes to elevating our state of consciousness.

    Elevating Consciousness

    A man’s state of consciousness determines the content and quality of his life.

    And so, if we want to elevate our lives (and our world), we must first elevate our state of consciousness.

    To elevate our state of consciousness, it helps to feed ourselves a mental diet of things that are positive, uplifting and inspiring.

    At the same time, it helps to let go of the things that do the opposite: the things that make us feel scared, angry, disempowered and unworthy.

    Attention Is Energy

    ‘Energy is the currency of the universe. When you ‘pay’ attention to something, you buy that experience.’
    ––Emily Maroutian

    Attention is energy and energy is the ‘currency of the universe’.

    So in giving our attention to something, we feed it and make it more powerful.

    We also begin to resonate with it, which means we begin to attract it into our lived experience.

    This means that if I focus on the things that spark joy in my being, then I become joyful. When I am joyful, I attract the people, places and experiences that will continue to keep me joyful.

    Sadly, the opposite is also true.

    Does It Spark Joy?

    So, the next time you have to decide whether to keep something or someone in your life, or whether you want to continue watching, listening to, or reading something, it might be a good idea to ask your self: ‘Does it spark joy?’


    If you want an instant hit of joy, just watch this adorable band of tiny yet super talented kids play ‘Smooth Operator’ by Sade. I promise you, you’re in for a treat!

    And if you want to know more about them, visit https://thegraystones.com/

    Resources


  • How Your Mental Diet Affects Your Happiness

    How Your Mental Diet Affects Your Happiness

    ‘Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.’
    ––Jose Ortega y Gasset

    We all know that the food we eat has a huge impact on the state of our physical health.

    in fact, what we eat most frequently has the power to make us healthy or ill.

    This idea is encapsulated in the popular phrase, ‘You are what you eat.

    By extension, we understand that we can improve our health, or even reverse illnesses by restricting how much we eat of certain kinds of foods.

    Many people cut out refined sugar and processed foods etc. at some point, in order to boost their health.

    We refer to this as ‘going on a diet.’

    People go on diets to lose weight, build muscle, reverse Type-2 diabetes and so on.

    Mental Diet and Happiness

    What is less commonly known or understood is that our mental diet, sometimes referred to as our ‘information diet,’ plays an equally influential role in our lives.

    The information we consume through watching, reading and listening has a profound effect on our mood, feelings and general outlook on life.

    For example, this study found that anxiety and total mood disturbance among participants increased after watching the news for just 15 minutes.

    This should make perfect sense to most of us as we’ve all experienced being unsettled after watching, listening to, or reading something distressing.

    So the axiom, ‘You are what you eat,’ applies equally at the mental and spiritual/metaphysical level too.

    And if you’ve read my posts on how we create reality, you understand that the way we feel has the power to affect what we experience as reality.

    As the spiritual teacher Maharishi Mahesh Yogi said:

    ‘Whatever we put our attention on will grow stronger in our life.’

    The Problem

    I understand only too well that it is hard to exist, or participate in the modern world without being exposed to negative messaging.

    We’re fed a constant diet of fear, anger and misery, whether it is through the songs and stories we’re taught as children; education, religion, the news media and even entertainment.

    I’d say entertainment is the worse culprit because most books, movies and songs contain unhealthy amounts of darkness and negativity that slips into our subconscious minds, unnoticed, simply because it’s labelled as ‘entertainment.’

    For most people, not watching the news is not even an option as their livelihoods are often tied to being up to date on current events.

    So, our mental diet can cause or increase stress, anxiety and depression. And yet, we have to take in a certain amount of negativity just in order to function in society.

    What do we do?

    Do we run away to the wilderness and cut all ties with society and our current lives? Sadly, this is not something most of us can do right now. But there are other solutions.

    The Solutions

    If we want to be happy, we can’t just expect to sleepwalk our way through life. We have to make our happiness a priority and work to build and maintain our happiness.

    This requires being proactive and exercising discernment in ur day to day lives.

    The way I see it, regardless of our job or station in life, we can all do two simple things to help the situation.

    The first step is to adopt a more healthy mental diet. The second is to do things to balance out the negativity that we consume in our lives.

    Adopting A Healthy Mental Diet

    We all have a lot of freedom and leeway about the things we consume and give our attention to. So we can use this to help ourselves.

    We can choose to go on a ‘strict diet’ and reduce the amount of negative information we consume to the absolute minimum that is necessary for each of us to function in society.

    If our job requires that we watch the news, then we do that. But we watch just the lowest allowable amount, based on our circumstances (perhaps one broadcast per day and no more).

    And we can cut out as much of the optional/unnecessary negativity as possible.

    This includes not following social media accounts that promote negativity, not watching movies such as thrillers, tragedies and horror shows, or listening to music that contains strong negative themes etc.

    Just like people wanting to lose weight will restrict the amount of calories they consume, we can choose to restrict the amount of negativity we consume on a daily basis.

    Doing Things to Balance It Out

    In addition to limiting the negativity we expose ourselves to, we can actively consume information of a positive and uplifting nature to balance out the negativity.

    This is the counterpart to adopting a healthier diet. It’s like exercising or going to the gym–but for the mind.

    We actively give our attention to uplifting and positive things to keep our mood up and feel good.

    What you do will depend on your personal preference and what works best for you, but it could include:

    • Listening to music that is upbeat
    • Immersing yourselves in nature
    • Watching a comedy (one that has zero dark themes), or Practising gratitude and counting your blessings

    Passively coasting through life or indulging in shallow distractions won’t work. It has to be something we actively participate in.

    In the same study I referred to above, participants who attended a lecture soon after watching the news didn’t show any improvement in their mood, despite the passage of time and the distraction provided by the lecture.

    But the participants who engaged in a process of progressive relaxation after watching the news reported a return to their baseline/pre-news levels of good feelings.

    So the key takeaways here are:

    • Distractions don’t do a good enough job of countering a negative mental diet.
    • Actively doing things to make yourself feel good can help us to return to our normal state.

    Concluding Thoughts

    As I’ve said before (and will continue to say), happiness is ultimately a choice we make over and over again.

    So the next time you feel tempted to give your attention to something that you know is going to make you anything other than happy, stop and ask yourself whether this thing you’re about to do is worth sacrificing your happiness for.

    It’s a habit I’m actively working to build right now, because I’ve experienced the alternative for so long now that it’s become unbearable now.

    And if you wanted something to pick your spirits up and zap you with some positive energy, have a look and listen to this amazing drum cover to David Bowie’s song, ‘Modern Love!’

    Resources


  • Sharpening the Axe

    Sharpening the Axe

    ‘Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.’
    ––Abraham Lincoln

    Lincoln’s advice on sharpening the axe might come in handy if you ever had to chop down a tree.

    But whether he meant it or not, his words also contain a profound spiritual truth that applies equally well to life in general.

    As spiritual beings operating in a physical world, we do well when we align our mind, body and spirit, and allow our spiritual essence to flow freely through us.

    This doesn’t happen when we’re stressed or angry, as those states cause resistance that slows down our connection to Spirit.

    And whatever we do in such a state will either not yield the results we want, or worse, completely backfire on us.

    So, it makes a lot of sense to take a little time out of our day to get into a better feeling mood before tackling anything important (or even starting the day).

    I covered some of the reasons in more detail in my post, ‘Why Happiness Matters,’ so please check that out if you haven’t already done so.

    But I should also point out that metaphysically speaking, our ‘vibration’ or state of consciousness dictates the results we will attract in the physical world.

    So investing a little time to tune up your vibration makes sense from this perspective as well.

    This is why spiritual teachers Abraham and Hicks advise that we ‘Get happy and then…

    Processes for Sharpening the Axe

    What you do to help yourself feel better will depend on your personal preference, or what you might be in the mood to do at the time.

    I find that some (or even a combination) of the following work well for me:

    • Sitting out in the garden with a cup of tea and enjoying the sunshine and birdsong;
    • Taking a quick nap;
    • Journalling to clear my mind;
    • Writing my gratitude journal;
    • Reading something inspirational;
    • Listening to some uplifting music;
    • A quick exercise session;
    • Reciting an affirmation; and
    • Meditation.

    So next time you’re about to do something important and are feeling less than positive and relaxed, take some time out to ‘sharpen your axe.’

    It won’t take four hours, I promise! Just fifteen minutes will do the trick.

    And what’s more, you’ll thank yourself!

    Resources