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Inspiration for a happier world

Peace

Peace frees us from conflict and suffering.

Peace also paves the way for other positive states such as inspiration, happiness and joy.

  • The Key to Peace: Seeing Others with Compassion, Not Judgment

    By

    Indika

    on

    The Key to Peace: Seeing Others with Compassion, Not Judgment

    When you finally learn that a person’s behaviour has more to do with their own internal struggle than you, you learn grace.
    ––Allison Ars

    Much of the conflict and suffering in our lives has to do with other people.

    Often, we hold grievances and resentment against others for something they did that we perceive as hurtful, unfair or dishonest.

    We continue to suffer long after the actual event because we cannot let go of what they did, or forgive them.

    On the one hand, this is entirely fair, because we have a duty to love and care for ourselves. In fact, some would argue that this (being an aspect of self-preservation) is our primary duty.

    Yet on the other hand, unwanted suffering does not serve us, or aid in our self-preservation.

    So, being able to understand other people’s motivations, forgive them, and release them (and ourselves) from any further negative feelings is helpful to creating happiness and attracting good things into our lives.

    This is not always easy to do, but there is something that can help us make it so.

    But first, let’s look at what usually happens in these situations and how we usually start off on the wrong foot.

    The ‘Wrong Perception’ Trap

    One of the biggest barriers to forgiveness is our perception of the situation, and the actions and motivations of the other person.

    When facing a situation that we find distressing, we might often perceive the situation as one where:

    1. The other person knew what they were doing and how it would affect us;
    2. They intended to do what they did and to have that effect on us; and
    3. They did so for no other reason other than to cause that hurt and to have that intended effect.

    We default to the understanding that their intentions are malicious.

    But this is often very far from the truth!

    And so, our wrong perception of their actions and the situation; and all the pain, anger and resentment tied up in it, is therefore unnecessary.

    For example, they may not have been aware of how they were behaving, if they were in a state of great panic or stress.

    They might not know how we might perceive their actions or how it might affect us.

    For example, we might be more sensitive than they are and things they consider ‘small’ might affect us deeply. But they have no way of knowing this until we find a way to let them know.

    There could even be a situation where we were already wary of them because of something that happened before. And so, we interpret their present action in light of our negative view of them.

    Again, our perception would be very different (and negative) as a result.

    Perception leads to judgment and judgment leads to a lack of love or compassion for the other person, so the wrong perception is often harmful and damaging to us and others.

    Awareness Leads to Compassion

    But what if we knew that the other person was going through something difficult? What if we knew and understood how this was affecting them?

    Our perception would change instantly.

    We might sympathise; make allowance, or even reach out and try to help them.

    And what follows the situation would also change drastically.

    Instead of disliking each other, we might actually become closer as people, or even become good friends.

    The Story of the Drunk Man on the Train

    There was a story in the original ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul‘ book that illustrates this point clearly.

    It went something like this:

    The man narrating the story was an American living in Japan. He was a trained martial artist.

    When he was on the train one day, a drunken man got on and was behaving badly.

    The drunken man’s behaviour disturbed the peace within the carriage and made the other passengers feel uncomfortable.

    The narrator was thinking about tackling the drunken man, using his martial arts skills.

    But just before he could do this, an older man who was also on the train, intervened. He spoke to the drunken man kindly and diffused the situation.

    Eventually, they all learned that the drunken man’s wife had died, and that he had no job and was homeless.

    When the narrator left the train, the drunken man was on the floor, sobbing, with his head on the older man’s lap.

    This completely changed the narrator’s perception of the drunken man, and the situation, and he was glad that the older man’s kindness had saved the day.

    This story holds a powerful lesson for all of us, which is that whenever we’re faced with the hurtful behaviour of others, we should default to assuming that they’re going through something difficult in their own lives and that this behaviour is the result of their struggle.

    With this new awareness, we are better equipped to resolve the situation amicably and secure lasting peace and happiness for all concerned.

    I would like to end this post with this quote by Ian Maclaren:

    ‘Be pitiful, for every man is fighting a hard battle.’

  • My Brother Jani: A Portrait of a Real-Life Jason Bourne

    By

    Indika

    on

    My Brother Jani: A Portrait of a Real-Life Jason Bourne

    “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”
    – Buddha

    My brother Jani was a badass. He was a commando!

    If that wasn’t badass enough: he passed out as the ‘best commando’ in his batch when he underwent his ’30 days of hell’.

    And if that wasn’t badass enough: he was a member of a group of volunteers from within the 1st Commando Regiment, who operated (or should I say ‘lived’) mainly behind enemy lines in 4-man teams. These guys were so hard-core that they even wore cyanide capsules around their necks (so they could take their own lives instantly, in the event they ever faced capture).

    He was such a badass that the so-called enemy came to know him by name and refer to him as such in radio transmissions which were intercepted by the Army.

    He was more adept at jumping out of helicopters and moving Land Rovers than I was at jumping off a moving Sri Lankan bus (and let me tell you that having ridden those suckers for a good 20 years of my life, I became pretty good at it)!

    At one time, he was the head of the Prime Minister’s Security. Another time, he was the head of the Anti-Hijack and Hostage Release Team.

    Then he moved on to Group Delta who were completely badass. They were pioneers in long-range reconnaissance and lived in the jungle, gathering intelligence, or laying in wait and ambushing their so-called enemy. These guys even carried their poo around with them so as to avoid detection.

    Jani had a false identity, a budget to go with it, and an all-area-access ID (which involved the right to board any aircraft). Badass!

    Unfortunately, ‘badass’ doesn’t mean ‘bulletproof’ (although these guys came pretty close). Jani was killed in action while leading his group as ‘point team’ for a larger group on a search and destroy mission. 

    He was celebrated as a war hero, awarded various medals and promoted to the rank of Captain (posthumously). I don’t mean to belittle these things, but I’d rather have my brother than those old pieces of metal and wall plaques, any old day!

    So there you have it: a snapshot profile of the real-life Jason Bourne that was my brother. 

    What I have just shared with you though, is what the public already knows. It is the stuff that was written about in the newspapers at the time (ok, maybe not all the details I’ve shared, but most of them).

    I’d like to share another side to my brother’s story. I’d like to tell you some other things that only I know, as his younger brother and as someone who often shared a room with him.

    Jani was eight years my senior. As an older sibling, he bore a fair amount of responsibility for my upbringing and welfare when I was a child. He could often be seen dragging my snotty-nosed younger-self to and from school.

    School life in Sri Lanka wasn’t without its share of drama. I remember how he turned up on his 10-speed bicycle, to take me home after riots had broken out in the country and the transport system had been shut down.

    I also remember how he once carried me, way above his head, when our school had been flooded out after heavy rain. The authorities had opened some man-hole covers to help drain the water, but pretty soon, the water level was such that you couldn’t tell where these open manholes were. Now that there was a risk of us falling in, my brother wanted to make sure that I had a fighting chance if we did.

    Jani was a great sportsman. From rugby to basketball to athletics and swimming, he did it all and did very well at it.

    He was chosen to represent Sri Lanka as part of its first-ever national rowing team. The guy traveled to Hong Kong for a competition at around age 17 and this was his first trip abroad. When he returned, he brought with him various nicknacks –things you would expect from any teenager, like a new Sony Walkman (which was all the rage at the time). But we were all surprised to also find that he had bought some clothing for the baby of a lady who had worked for our family many, many years ago.

    I remember the nights he lay awake, unable to sleep, after his girlfriend at the time had broken up with him (the fact that he was unable to sleep meant that I was unable to sleep as well). I can’t tell you exactly how many times he got out of bed to re-wind and re-play Dan Byrd’s “Boulevard” (a break-up song from the era), but I can tell you it was a lot!

    Jani loved our Mum dearly. In return, she doted on him–more than on any of us. It’s as if she always knew that his time on this earth would be brief. Looking back, I am so glad she treated him as she did. Anyway, Jani was in the Army when our Mum had to move to the U.S. for cancer treatment. He wasn’t really the type to write letters and cards (that’s more my sister and I). Yet, he wrote to her all the time.

    I still have the many ‘aerograms’ he’d crafted in his ultra-neat handwriting–written lovingly, to the person he loved the most.

    Jani took many lives in the course of his time with the Army. You couldn’t tell from the way he conducted himself in the face of the so-called enemy, yet I know that it took its toll on him. I know that he particularly hated the fact that some of the lives he took were of people who were as young as his own kid-brother. He would often tell me how they reminded him of me.

    As young as I was, I could see the journey my brother made from being an upbeat, young and enthusiastic officer-cadet who drank for fun, to the weathered and wizened veteran who drank to numb his pain. At times, he even spoke of leaving the Army.

    My brother left his earthly body on the 15th of July 1991. He was killed with a single shot to the head by a so-called enemy sniper while trying to recover the body of one of his fallen men (bodies are regarded as ‘trophies’ by the so-called enemy and their recovery is vital for troop morale, not to mention to the families of the fallen).

    This brings me to the part that becomes relevant to you, the reader. I didn’t write this post to tell you what a wonderful person my brother was. That is a fact, whether I or anyone else writes about it or not. I didn’t write to tell you what a badass he was either, or to describe in detail why he is regarded by many as a hero.

    I am writing to share with you the simple truth: that there can be no winners in human conflict. We are not wired that way. Even if we do what we think is the right thing to do; even if we prevail over a so-called enemy who is armed and intent on ending our lives, it still hurts us as humans to harm our brothers and sisters. War and violence is at best, a ‘lose-lose’ proposition.

    Throughout this post and for as long as I continue to write, I will never use the word ‘terrorists’ to describe the type of people my brother fought. While I may not agree with their methods or condone their actions, I won’t label them in that way, because I know better.

    I will not speak ill of someone who gives their own life for a cause greater than themselves. I will not put down somebody who undergoes hardship so that others may lead richer lives. These are the very things my brother did. If I resort to name-calling, then I leave the way open for someone else to call my brother names too.

    It is true that Jani was a member of the armed forces and that he was under a presidential commission to protect the Republic. It is also true that he didn’t intentionally kill women, children, the elderly, or the unarmed, and that his killing had the sanction of legality to it (at least in the eyes of some).

    Yet, having practised as a lawyer, I can attest to the fact that justice and legality are not one and the same. What is allowable in the eyes of the law can often be both unjust and immoral. It is simply a matter of perspective.

    I can understand and appreciate that to the families of any of the people my brother killed, my brother may not be seen as a hero but a villain.

    I also use the term ‘so-called enemy’ to describe the people my brother did battle with. I do this because I don’t consider any of those people as ‘enemies’. They are pretty much like my brother and I–people who want to be free and live in peace.

    Just like my brother, they risk their lives for a greater cause than themselves. I can’t help but respect that.

    The way I see it, we are all duped into this tragedy by those who seek to divide, control and rule over us. They are the real ‘terrorists’ and from this earthly perspective, they are the only ‘enemy’.

    I hasten to add though, that from a spiritual standpoint, there can be no ‘enemy,’ for we are all aspects of the same Consciousness. This is something I am doing my best to come to terms with. I intellectually understand that it is true, but I have trouble accepting it at times. Sue me.

    To the families of those whose lives my brother ended: I didn’t write this by way of an apology on behalf of my brother. I don’t have the right to do that. But I did want to point out that he suffered greatly: from being away from friends and loved ones; from seeing his comrades die; and from taking the lives of others. And if that wasn’t enough, please remember that he also gave up his own life.

    It may not be the apology you seek, but now you will know that your own loss came at a high cost to him and to those who loved him. We are all in this together. I am sorry that we all had to go through this. But we have all suffered in vain if we don’t learn from our experience. Don’t let it be that way.

    In closing, I want to point out to you, that as badass as Jani was, and as close as he came to the fictional Jason Bourne, his last act on this earth was that of a real human being. His last earthly deed was one of love and compassion for a fallen comrade and his family.

    To many, my brother is a hero because he performed courageous deeds and gave his life in service to his fellow men. I appreciate Jani in this way too. Yet to me, my brother is a hero because he held on to his humanity and his compassion, despite all the horrible things he had to live through.

    I say again, there are no winners in war. Please remember this and don’t ever be duped into hatred or conflict. Yet remember, that humanity wins every time we show love and compassion, no matter where we are and what we do.

    Resources

    Update One

    Since publishing this post, a friend of mine kindly arranged to have it translated into the Tamil language.

    You can view or download the translation by clicking the button below.

    DOWNLOAD

    Update Two

    Some years after writing this post, I had a wonderful experience concerning Jani, which I have written about here: A Message from Beyond the Veil.