“Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”
– Buddha
My brother Jani was a badass. He was a commando!
If that wasn’t badass enough: he passed out as the ‘best commando’ in his batch when he underwent his ’30 days of hell’.
If that wasn’t badass enough: he was a member of a group of volunteers from within the 1st Commando Regiment, who operated (or should I say ‘lived’) mainly behind enemy lines in 4-man teams. These guys were so hard-core that they even wore cyanide capsules around their necks (so they could instantly take their lives in case they ever faced being captured).
He was such a badass that the so-called enemy came to know him by name and refer to him as such in radio transmissions (which were intercepted by the Army).
He was more adept at jumping out of helicopters and moving Land Rovers than I was at jumping off a moving Sri Lankan bus (and let me tell you that having ridden those suckers for a good 20 years of my life, I became pretty good at it).
At one time he was the head of the Prime Minister’s Security. Another time, he was the head of the Anti-Hijack and Hostage Release Team.
Then he moved on to Group Delta who were completely badass. They lived in the jungle, laying in wait and ambushing their so-called enemy. These guys even carried their poo around with them so as to avoid detection.
Jani had a false identity, a budget to go with it, and an all-area-access ID (which involved the right to board any aircraft). Badass!
Unfortunately, ‘badass’ doesn’t mean ‘bulletproof’ (although these guys came pretty close). Jani was killed in action while leading his group as ‘point team’ for a larger group on a search and destroy mission.
He was celebrated as a war hero, awarded various medals and promoted to the rank of Captain, posthumously (I don’t mean to belittle these things, but I’d rather have my brother than those old pieces of metal and wall plaques, any day!).
So there you have it: a snapshot profile of the real-life Jason Bourne that was my brother. What I have just shared with you though, is what the public already knows. It is the stuff that was written about in the newspapers at the time (ok, maybe not all the details I’ve shared, but most of them). I’d like to share another side to my brother’s story. I’d like to tell you some other things that only I know, as his younger brother and as someone who often shared a room with him.
Jani was 8 years my senior. As an older sibling, he bore a fair amount of responsibility for my welfare and upbringing when I was a child. He could often be seen dragging my snotty-nosed younger self to and from school.
School life in Sri Lanka wasn’t without its share of drama. I remember how he turned up on his 10-speed bicycle, to take me home after riots had broken out in the country and the transport system had been shut down.
I also remember how he once carried me, way above his head, when our school had been flooded out after heavy rain. The authorities had opened some man-hole covers to help drain the water but pretty soon, the water level was such that you couldn’t tell where these open manholes were. Now that there was a risk of us falling in, my brother wanted to make sure that I had a fighting chance if we did.
Jani was a great sportsman. From rugby to basketball to athletics and swimming, he did it all and did very well at it.
He was chosen to represent Sri Lanka as part of its first-ever national rowing team. The guy traveled to Hong Kong for a competition at around age 17. This was his first trip abroad. When he returned, he brought with him various nicknacks – things you would expect from any teenager, like a new Sony Walkman (which was all the rage at the time). But we were all surprised to also find that he had bought some clothing for the baby of a lady who had worked for our family many, many years ago.
I remember the nights he lay awake, unable to sleep, after his girlfriend at the time had broken up with him (the fact that he was unable to sleep meant that I was unable to sleep as well). I can’t tell you exactly how many times he got out of bed to re-wind and re-play Dan Byrd’s “Boulevard” (a break-up song from the era) but I can tell you it was a lot!
Jani loved our Mum dearly. In return, she doted on him – more than on any of us. It’s like she always knew that his time on this Earth would be brief. Looking back, I am so glad she treated him as she did. Anyway, Jani was in the Army when our Mum had to move to the U.S. for cancer treatment. He wasn’t really the type to write letters and cards (that’s more me and my sister). Yet, he wrote to her all the time.
I still have the many ‘aerograms’ he’d crafted in his ultra-neat handwriting – written lovingly, to the person he loved the most.
Jani took many lives in the course of his time with the Army. You couldn’t tell from the way he conducted himself in the face of the so-called enemy, yet I know that it took its toll on him. I know that he particularly hated the fact that some of the lives he took were of people who were as young as his own kid brother. He would often tell me how they reminded him of me.
As young as I was, I could see the journey my brother made from being an upbeat, young and enthusiastic officer-cadet, who drank for fun, to the weathered and wizened veteran, who drank to numb his pain. At times, he even spoke of leaving the Army.
My brother left his earthly body on the 15th of July 1991. He was killed with a single shot to the head by a so-called enemy sniper while trying to recover the body of one of his fallen men (bodies are regarded as ‘trophies’ by the so-called enemy and their recovery is vital for troop morale, not to mention to the families of the fallen).
This brings me to the part that becomes relevant to you, the reader. I didn’t write this post to tell you what a wonderful person my brother was. That is a fact, whether I or anyone else writes about it or not. I didn’t write to tell you what a badass he was or to describe in detail why he is regarded by many as a hero.
I am writing to share with you the simple truth: that there can be no winners in human conflict. We are not wired that way. Even if we do what we think is the right thing to do. Even if we prevail over a so-called enemy who is armed and intent on ending our lives, it still hurts us as humans to harm our brothers and sisters. War and violence is at best, a ‘lose-lose’ proposition.
Throughout this post and for as long as I continue to write, I will never use the word ‘terrorists’ to describe the type of people my brother fought. While I may not agree with their methods or condone their actions, I won’t label them in that way, because I know better.
I will not speak ill of someone who gives their own life for a cause greater than themselves. I will not put down somebody who undergoes hardship so that others may lead richer lives. These are the very things my brother did. If I resort to name-calling, then I leave the way open for someone else to call my brother names too.
It is true that Jani was a member of the army. It is also true that he was under a presidential commission to protect the republic. It is true that he didn’t intentionally kill women, children, the elderly, or the unarmed and his killing had the sanction of legality to it (at least in the eyes of some).
Yet, having practised as a lawyer, I can attest to the fact that justice and legality are not one and the same. What is allowable in the eyes of the law can often be both unjust and immoral. It is simply a matter of perspective.
I can appreciate and understand that to the families of any of the people my brother killed, my brother may not be seen as a hero but as a villain.
I also use the term ‘so-called enemy’ to describe the people my brother did battle with. I do this because I don’t consider any of those people as ‘enemies’. They are pretty much like my brother and I – people who want to be free and live in peace.
Just like my brother, they risk their lives for a greater cause than themselves. I can’t help but respect that.
The way I see it, we are all duped into this tragedy by those who seek to divide, control and rule over us. They are the real ‘terrorists’ and from this earthly perspective, they are the only ‘enemy’.
I hasten to add though, that from a spiritual standpoint, there can be no ‘enemy,’ for we are all aspects of the same Consciousness. This is something I am doing my best to come to terms with. I intellectually understand that it is true, but I have trouble accepting it at times. Sue me.
To the families of those whose lives my brother ended: I didn’t write this by way of an apology on behalf of my brother. I don’t have the right to do that. But I did want to point out that he suffered greatly, from being away from friends and loved ones, from seeing his comrades die, and from taking the lives of others. If that wasn’t enough, he gave up his own life.
It may not be the apology you seek, but now you will know that your own loss came at a high cost to him and to those who loved him. We are all in this together. I am sorry that we all had to go through this. But we have all suffered in vain if we don’t learn from our experience. Don’t let it be that way.
In closing, I want to point out to you, that as badass as Jani was, and as close as he came to the fictional Jason Bourne, his last act on this earth was that of a real human being. His last earthly deed was one of love and compassion for a fallen comrade and his family.
To many, my brother is a hero because he performed courageous deeds and gave his life in service to his fellow men. I appreciate Jani in this way too. Yet to me, my brother is a hero because he held on to his humanity and his compassion, despite all the horrible things he had to live through.
I say again, there are no winners in war. Please remember this and don’t ever be duped into hatred or conflict. Yet remember, that humanity wins every time we show love and compassion, no matter where we are and what we do.
Edit – Since publishing this post, a friend of mine kindly arranged to have it translated into the Tamil language.
You can view or download the translation by clicking here.
Update – Some years after writing this post, I had a wonderful experience concerning Jani, which I have written about here: A Message from Beyond the Veil.
Jani – is still remembered with much affection despite the passing years….I do remember the snotty little kid we had to drag along to school.
Luvly article Indika….and so true.
Thank you Jeremy! Lovely to hear from you!
Senaka, Jani, I knew from my formative years. Indika grew up on us. All you say Indika is so damned true. Jani as I knew him before and during college was one of those enigmatic, mavericks who at all times drew the respect of others, be young or old. He lived his life in college as well as in military life with great aplomb, and continues to be respected for his unyielding virtues. Long live in our own lives, in some form, one that is considered, a great human and one we are proud to call a Thomian.
Johann, thank you very much for those kind words.
Thank you for sharing with us details of your warrior brother. The enemy he fought respected the martial qualities of whom they fought. The same goes to the Govt fores as well.
Thanks again.
Thank you Anton!
Indika I dont think you know me, but I would like to add how he shared half his monthly salary with his two mates and I think he had colours in about 8 odd sports in college and was the most outstanding sportsmen (3 years?) representing SL U 19 in rugby as well. His memory has stayed with me too – large heart sometimes to his detriment. And then his fearlessness – I believe he was born for the forces. As a schoolboy he had people idolizing him.
I did not know his war days they were just stories I heard and I am so glad I got to read about them. I was not good to him 🙁
Ganeesha Akka! Of course I know who you are! I had the chicken pox AND listen to Dan Bryd thanks to you. Not something I am likely to forget now is it!? Jokes apart, thank you for your kind words about Jani Aiyya. Don’t be hard on yourself. He loves you very much!
indika senaka I grew up with Jani in the Boarding and I have fond memories of him even though he was my Junior ( I was with Senaka) I am sad I never saw Jani after I left Collage and I am Proud to have known him. All what you say is so true. hopefully we do not do the same mistakes again and lose another lot of young boys in the prime of their youth.
Roshan, thank you very much for your kind words. I am confident that Sri Lanka and the world, having learned the bitter lessons of the past, are now marching towards a more peaceful, untied and enlightened future.
Indika, you were such a young kid when I used to hang out with both your brothers, Jani and Senaka. Living in Nugegoda I used to hang out at your place quite often. This is where I developed a quintessential taste for having tomato sauce with rice and curry, if I remember correctly, it was alway home made tomato sauce at your place.
Jain was a dear friend who always looked out for his friends, remember him holding seats for us on the school bus, many a day was spent with him, riding our bicycles to watch rugby.
I had already migrated to Aus when I heard about his untimely departure, he is still sadly missed and never forgotten.
Cheers
Eshan
Eshan, I remember you (and Thanuja) very well. Yes, the Colonel’s tomato sauce was really something else wasn’t it!? Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
Jani was the youngest in the dorm(chapman A) and with special permission, if i remember right, as Senaka was there. So jani was a Holy, holy, holy veteran by the time he moved out from the dorm. he was a great kid and was the kid brother in the dorm. We will always miss me and sincerely hope he has attained eternal bliss.
UNI, thank you for that! I didn’t make it past Winchester (it wasn’t really for me), but I know both my brothers loved the boarding and the friends they made there.
Indika,
I am not sure if we have met. I am a contemporary of Upali and was also a boarder and remember Jani.I was also a Cadet. I am deeply touched by what you have written. I recall taking a chopper ride at tree top height to Madhu with the then Vanni commamder and two others and meeting a Thomian who rose to be the last Chief of Staff of the army. Our return journey was by aircraft from Apura and complete silence was maintained by the 3 of us since we had seriously injured men laid out on the floor evacuated for treatment to Colombo.It showed us that even the strongest could be silenced. I wish we could see Priests of the major religions leading multireligious services for congregations of families of the MIA, those who died or killed in the areas where it occurred. I think it would be beautiful experience. Best, Jeevan.
Dear Jeevan, thank you very much for your kind comments. Thank you also for sharing your experience. I had not thought about the sort of situation you had described (on the plane). Very sobering thoughts indeed. I agree that it would be a wonderful thing to see priests of all the religions leading prayers for peace and healing as you suggest. It would be a beautiful experience for all concerned. I am hopeful that these things will soon come to pass. Take care and best regards.
Hi, I don’t know you gentlemen, but let me say that I was very touched by you & your bro’s story, May god bless you and your family.
Esto perpetua
Thank you Vipula. May you and your loved ones be blessed always too.
Was your brother killed at Elephant Pass or in the effort to relieve the camp? I ask because of the date of his death.
I remember seeing men from Delta Group sitting on the ground at Palaly waiting for an aircraft in early 1991. We were straight out of infantry training and waiting for choppers to fly us to Elephant Pass where our battalion was surrounded by Tigers. We hadn’t seen any combat yet, and were all fresh-faced 18- and 19-year-olds in new fatigues, and we just stared with awe at the long-haired bearded wild men of Delta with their sun-black skin, faded old jungle camouflage and the 1000-yard stare we would all one day share. I think right then and there a bunch of us decided we would volunteer for the Commandos or SF at the first opportunity.
David! First of all, let me apologise for your comment taking so long to appear. It seems that my trusty ‘akistmet’ anti-spam plugin has incorrectly routed your comments to the spam folder.
Thank you for sharing your memories. I could visualise you guys (like something out of ‘Platoon’) looking at these guys in awe. I would have felt the same way! I am told that my brother’s incident took place near Janakapura, in Weli Oya.
Hi Indika> Jani and my brother (Iqbal Marjan) were batch mates in college. Jani was a college hero to all of us. I remember when I was playing rugby during my early days, I wanted to quit the game due to recurring injuries. However, it was Jani who gave me that required courage with my bro to continue the sport.
We will always miss him, but he will never be forgotten.
Esto Perpetua
Thank you Reza! I am glad they kept you going because College would have missed out on a star scrum-half if they hadn’t! Thanks bro and my best to Iqbal Aiyya.
I never knew him or heard until I read this article.But it seems he’s a courageous soldier, a man with a good heart and a ‘badass’ with a true Thomian spirit.’Esto Perpetua’.Jani, you will be remembered and never will be forgotten.
Many thanks Trehan for your kind words. This is one of the reasons I love the internet – it connects humans and makes friends of strangers!
Excellent right up Defo! I had the plessure of rowing with Jani, a gentleman with a good heart and a ‘badass’ with a true Thomian spirit.’Esto Perpetua’. “Humanity wins every time” which is eternal. May the blessings of the noble triple gem bless all.
Thank you Asitha!
Hi Indika,
Thank you for this article. I didnt have the pleasure of knowing Jani but knowing you and Senaka gives me no doubt what an exemplary human being he was. I am truly touched by this article and totally agree on the futility of war. Let me quote General Dwight D. Eisenhower who aptly said, “I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.”. Blessings to you and your family.
–
Thank you Farzana for your kind words. Thank you also for sharing that wonderful quote. The General was spot on and was speaking from experience. I guess experience teaches far more than words ever could. Blessings to you and your family too.
wow…I read this with a smile…with tears…with humility. You brought home to me how many of our ‘Brothers’ (like Jani) that we have sacrificed for the sake of a small patch of land. But like you said the real casualties of war are those who are left bereft of their loved ones.
“I don’t mean to belittle these things, but I’d rather have my brother than those old pieces of metal and wall-plaques, any
day!”
truth.
Thank you Christina! Truth indeed!
Awesome article Indika. I can’t remember you but I Remember your brother Jani very well. He was an awesome guy. Take a bow mate, what a well written article. Excellent reading and so very true.
Thank you Peter for your kind words. I was blown away. Many thanks once again.
Jani was a rare breed of an officer. War is over, having taken the best of us with it. During his short life Jani set high standards as an officer and this comes from his genetics and upbringing. May the souls of Jani and the parents that gave us this officer and a gentleman, the late Colonel Ian De Fonseka and Tilaka De Fonseka find eternal bliss. The nation is indebted to them. May love prevail!
Esto Perpetua!
Thank you Sir! Yes, may love prevail!
I read this article with tears in my eyes, Jani was a dear friend of mine who sat next to me in class, The friends of the Class of 81 have so many fond memories of this great son of Mother Lanka. Even though years have passed since he left us for ever there is no gathering of the Class of 81 without remembering Jani. He was a person who fought for the right and fearless in is ways, a man with great values, which is clearly demonstrated in this article.
Below is a famous quotation which I think is most appropriate to relate to the life our dear friend Jani
“For when the One Great Scorer comes
To write against your name,
He marks-not that you won or lost-
But how you played the game. ”
Esto Perpetua
Indika
I still could picture how Jani dragged you to school probably in your 1st year at school.
Congratulations on the article and how very true, what you have penned, and this should be read time and again to remind that “War and Violence is at best a lose -lose proposition”
Dear Nishan, many thanks for your kind words. I am grateful to you and the others of the Class of 81 for continuing to remember my bro. Thank you also for sharing the quote – most appropriate indeed!
Amazingly said Indika, what you say is close to my heart, the day the war ended, I firmly believe that there were no winners in this war. After all it were Sri Lankans who died on both sides. How can a brother win against a brother?
Thank you Chaminda! I agree! War in the name of peace is simply Orwellian ‘double-think’: ideas that aren’t compatible. Peace.
Thank you Indika for this post on one of the most indefatigable, awe inspiring and fearless Thomians the hallowed portals of the school by the sea has produced – Janaka Francis Sean De Fonseka. I consider myself fortunate to have known Jani. His memory lives on. God Bless his Soul.
Your story was on a friends FB and i read it from first letter to the final one.
I feel a lot of emotions and thats what makes your writing a piece of my emotions.
Its beautiful and same time horror I realise that he was a person with a lot of will power and the heart where it should be with so many other ppl. He gave his life.
Its deep that you as a brother of Jani brings me goosebumps and wet eyes.
Tx
A sri lankan friend living in Belgium.
Thank you Marijke for your kind words.
Thank you Graham for your kind and comforting words.
all religious leaders advised us to take the path of kindness and compassion. there were several opportunities for us to use that path but Mahinda avoided all that to kill 150000 and destroyed an entire civilization . in addition over 30000 died from the armed forces. we are told all that will compensate for Prabhakaran’s actions. we have suffered by following fools and knaves. let us support unity with power sharing.
bahu
i Always say War is dirt….war is unfair. But what happens is that big chiefs argue and others will do the dirty job. The big chiefs stay safe But what abt the war guys?
we see this every day on tv. Its horror and i take it with me to bed. Sleepless Nights. But what i want to say is that wars like this have been there all the time. and i Always wonder What these wars bring at the end? NOTHING..
Thank you Marjike. I believe that it is time for us to stop listening to those you refer to as ‘big chiefs’ and to the news media that represent them. It is time for us to listen to our hearts instead. If the big chiefs want to fight, they can go right ahead. We don’t need to cooperate and be their cannon-fodder!
Thank you Bahu for your insightful words. I agree: it is time for us to put and end to the suffering that is man-made and unnecessary and to heed the words of the ascended masters.
Impressive Indika, that you can see the actions and life of your brother with such an enlighten view – taught by the Buddha but never embraced in the Island that has wasted so many good lifes.
Sivam! Thank you Sir for your kind words. You are so right, we in Sri Lanka have wasted so many lives through conflict. It is time for change and change is happening right here and right now, with us, exchanging ideas in this way.
There are two important parts to your post. Primarily a tribute to your beloved brother.To loose a family member in any way is devastating enough.Nothing can compassionate for that loss, not even in heroic circumstances that Jani is no longer with us.
He and the others sacrifices their valuable young lives so that the country and the people could now have some peace after 3 decades of devastation and genocide.
Second point you make is also relevant and important. If I read your thoughts correclty, you have already forgiven the fighters whom you brother fought against. Given the closeness of you to your elder sibling, here you are with a noble gesture like that, while world leaders like the Canadian and Indian Prime ministers decline the invitation to attend a conference in Sri Lanka when they should be promoting peace and harmony in a nation that has suffered. They have opted for politics against humanity. Those people living in in shelter of democracy in the west are still harboring grudges, instigating investigations. They should take a leaf from your book and get on with their lives and not pass on the hatred to the next generation.
There is one aspect of your post that I may differ slightly when you call them “so called terrorists”. This is true in the case of all those young foot solders who fought and perished over the 30 years. But the real terrorists were a bunch of leaders who time after time declined a peaceful solution and preferred to attack and maim innocent civilians.
Mahesaabey, thank you for your kind words and insightful comments. You have indeed read my thoughts correctly. I would have used to term ‘forgive’ to describe the way I felt, when I was first able to understand things and make the shift. Right now, I have moved beyond forgiveness. What I have now is a sense of solidarity and brotherhood with all of those people who were involved in the actual fighting and with those caught in the cross-fire. We were all set up. We all suffered by trusting and believing in ‘leaders’ who betrayed us time and time again. No more. No more leaders. No more giving away of ourselves and our power. No more listening to lies and propaganda. Trusting in our humanity and uniting is all we need ever do. And we have all the power to do that, right now.
I am very grateful for your kind words. I fully agree that there are those who opt for politics over humanity. That is where we (meaning people like you and I) differ from them. We have no political agenda and peace and wellbeing for everyone on this planet is our dream.
Hi Indika,
It is indeed a great piece of writing by a great sibling.Jani was a hero and a friend of the heart. He even tried to warn me off from joining the military, he sent his batch mate to my place to talk me out of it. I last met him in Palaly in late 1990, one day there we drank our selves silly and sang and danced as only young officers know to do. Some of us from the Air Force drove a flat bed truck to the then Brigade HQ in Palaly and dropped him off quite intoxicated well past mid night. When we arrived, his squad was preparing to move out on a mission, a long cold bath a cup of boiling plain tea and a fresh uniform brought the cool professional Commando back. We left him with his men. Later the next day I heard a team of Commandos went out of our defences early morning. Lo and behold, we in the “light blue uniforms” were still with smarting heads, and quite groggy after the nights partying, but Jani and his team had returned after a very successful foray behind the enemy lines with the mission more than accomplished. He was a very brave professional soldier and a great Officer and Gentleman.His men would follow him to hell. Everybody loved Jani and Jani loved everybody. I, as everyone else who has seen this article and replied, totally agree with you, not only about Jani but also about all else.Having seen the war to its end, I hope the real conflict is brought to an end without senseless bickering, and the sacrifice made by great men of this caliber even though a great loss to all of us, is not made in vain.
Janaka Nanayakkara
Janaka Aiyya! Thank you so much for the kind words and for sharing your memories. I didn’t know about those episodes and enjoyed reading that! It also brought to mind this quote from Thomas Campbell “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
I randomly ran into this, and after reading the first half, knew that this has to be about a Thomian (and written by a Thomian too!). And found out that to be true! Kudos to your brother and you too. Esto Perpetua! – Demel V.H. (Miami, USA – STC Class of 1995).
Thank you Heshan!
Indika:
Jani was a true role model for many of us and it is not surprising that his qualities ran deeper than can be imagined.
You have written an article that stirs up hearts in the right direction. When it comes from deep within it matters more and that is reality. Jani demonstrated that manifold and you have aptly shared it.
God bless you and yours!
Ranesh (JRL) Peiris
Thank you Ranesh for your kind and thoughtful words. I so agree with what you say about how things matter so much more when they come from within us – from our hearts. Many thanks once again and blessings to you and your loved ones too.
Very well written Defo! You would do our mutual friend (paul) proud.
I never had the pleasure to meet your brother but have heard you speak of him lots. I’ve always been convinced he was one heck of a guy!
Take care.
Thank you very much Kanishka! He sure was!! Take care bro.
I’ve never known u or ur bro. & probably ’cause I was born sometime after ur bro’s death I haven’t heard of him. But that didn’t stop me from reading this article more than thrice. Loved it. To me, the most important point u make is that there’s no ‘enemy’. That’s what we must understand.
Pranidhi, thank you so much for those kind words. Yes, there can be no enemy when in fact, we are all one.
Indika, I hear your words like a cry from the heart of this country! I do hope that the ‘powers that be’ hear it too… and care enough to be gentle with the healing of this nation and her wounded people.
Thank you Sunela. I believe the future lies more with the people than any leaders, and judging from the comments left by all of you, Sri Lanka (and indeed the world), can look forward to a peaceful, united and loving future!
Thank you for taking up your responsibility to further reconciliation. I think these kind of small ( and in some ways huge) acts is a need of the times. Thank you !
With Metta!
Suchith
Suchitha, thank you – for your kind words and support.
Jani aiyya is a hero not because he fought a war or died trying to save others but as a human being he left an exemplary legacy – which is what this blog is about anyway – Peace, Love and understanding for all mankind. This also reminds me of this song;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y2SIIeqy34
Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the flowers gone?
Young girls have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the young girls gone, long time passing?
Where have all the young girls gone, long time ago?
Where have all the young girls gone?
Gone for husbands everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the husbands gone, long time passing?
Where have all the husbands gone, long time ago?
Where have all the husbands gone?
Gone for soldiers everyone
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the soldiers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the soldiers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Gone to graveyards, everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time passing?
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time ago?
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Gone to flowers, everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the flowers gone?
Young girls have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
The impression Jani (who I never knew) left behind in his loved ones remind me of another song by Meatloaf of which the lyrics go “If life is just a highway , then my soul is just a car – and Objects in the rear view mirror ..may appear closer than they are” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4WX08FQOq8)
– reminding us that there are some eternal memories that will always remain in us !
Thank you Barssn for your thoughtful and comforting words. Call me an optimist, but it seems to me from all the comments that have been shared (including yours) that the question “When will they ever learn?” no longer applies!
Well written and compelling article. And you are right about the nature and futility of war.
Thank you Purajitha!
For many years I printed a booklet to be distributed at the annual day of remembrance at college with the photograph of Jani in it with many of the other Thomians who have given up their lives. Now I have a soul to one of those pictures. Thank you Indika for sharing your pain. Every time the radio anounced the number of dead tigers I felt that some were brothers and fathers not going home that night. War is cruel and some on had do do what Jani had to do. May you always carry your affection for your brother Jani in your heart. The pain will not move away. May your love for your brother bring him eternal peace. We named one of the trees in the back of the lower school block with a marker and a brass tag one year. I hope you can find it one day.
Thank you Dilshan for your kind and comforting words. Thank you also for your hard work in connection with remembrance day at College. I will definitely look for the tree when I next visit.
I remember how jani set the hearts of many teenage girls in nugegoda racing. On a more serious note we as a nation should never ever forget that the sacrifices jani and his comrades made have not been in vain. The best way we can pay them back is to forge ahead in unity and peace. Let not the sacrifices they made be in vain. They gave up their lives for our tomorrows.
Thank you Tina! I was such a little brat at the time that all the drama of my brother’s teenage years (racing hearts included) escaped me! You are so right in saying that the best way in which we can remember everyone who ever laid down their lives in war, is to live together in peace and harmony.
It was a well written article in many respects. It awakened many emotions as well as made me think. As much as I was reminded how much I am indebted to Janni (even though that was not the intention of the article) and many others for defeating the “so called enemy”, it also made me think differently about those we fought against.
I was also thinking, how you could find the energy and the ability to write this article in such a manner that it made me laugh at times while feeling sad at the same time about many things. As I have an elder brother, I was trying to “imagine” the pain you may be carrying for losing yours. What is more important is the message you try to pass on to us. Yes I do agree that war is bad. And those who provoke war are the real badasses.
Janaka, thank you for all that you have said. I am touched and humbled. The best thing I can say by way of reply (which may also answer some of your questions) is that ‘With love, all things are possible”.
A wonderful tribute to your brother Indika……it’s not only brilliantly written but you have the capacity to stop the less forgiving in their tracks to ‘reconsider’………and see what we considered the enemy as a freedom fighter. That is ‘gold’ in any religion, but it’s people with your kind of thinking that we need as leaders. So impressed and Raji shares my sentiments, as he loved Jani and considered him as his favorite bro-in-law.
Sabby, thank you very much for your kind comments. My thanks to Raji Aiyya as well.
Indika it is a well written article. You were young when Jani and I were good friends. He was a very special person in my life. We have laughed and cried together many times.. He use to waltz into my home when ever he wanted. My parents loved him. He had a way of winning people over. Memories of crazy times.. trips with him and friends. .. Not forgetting he is the God Father of my son too..
Thank you Indika again for your article it brought back many many great memories with your brother..
Thank you Rukie Akka! I remember that my brother was very fond of you and your name was spoken very often in our home. I didn’t know he was Godfather to your son! Wow! That’s nice! Thanks again and take care.
Hi Indika, I received this from Viran a good friend of mine..to be honest it made me cry …as it does everytime I read about real life heroes…Thank you for sharing the softer moments from his life as well which shows the true calibre of a man….my brother was also in the army and in the Commandos and he and his best friend looked up to Jani a lot…He was indeed a true real-life Jason Bourne.
Thank you Dasaman for your kind and thoughtful words. It was my pleasure to write this as I could sit and write about my loved ones all day!!!
Dear Indika,
I hope You would remember me. I was the best buddy of Jani. I have many unforgotten memories with him than any one of my life. We were together with Delta Group with 04 other officers but he exchanged his personal stuff with me only. He introduced most of his friends only to me…
Indika, I still have his Dog Tag together with my Dog Tag(with my blood marks) hanging in front of my main door and every time I enter in to the house 1st I see that.
The day he died, I was lost in control. I refused see his body. I refused to attend his funeral. I refused to see any of funeral photos therefore I still see him living and not as a dead colleague of mine.
Now can you believe that my wife pet name is “Jani” too ?
Dear Randy Aiyya, Of course I remember you! Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful words. His passing was indeed a difficult thing to come to terms with. I feel it may have be more so for you because you were with him and saw him so often, whereas we’d only see him once every few months. I admire your determination to see him as living and not otherwise. I looked upon him in the coffin and held his hand, but he remains very much alive to me too. I was so happy to learn that you are now married. Congratulations to you both! It is so nice that your wife’s pet name too is “Jani”. I guess it’s that old ‘Magic’ at work, which brings us such ‘coincidences’ in life!
Dear Indika,
Lovely memoir & peaceful thoughts. May you find happiness & contentment !
Warm Regards
Kanishka
Thank you Kanishka for your kind words and good wishes. I wish you the same!
Hi Indika,
I was mailed this story today, thank you for sharing. I share the same sentiments as you, war has only “Lose-Lose” situation. I wish the president did not claim “Victory” after the war was ended but instead claimed “PEACE has been restored in the country”
Cheers and Be Well.
Mohan.
Dear Mohan,
Thank you for reading this post and for your thoughtful words. I agree that it would have been so much more appropriate to have claimed that the fighting had ended. Alas, it was not the case. I take comfort in the knowledge that leaders do not speak for all the people in any country (and possibly not even the majority).
Leaders are an outdated concept that is fast becoming irrelevant. We cannot control how leaders or others behave. Yet, we have total control over how we behave and what we say. This means that it is better if we didn’t give away our power to others or submit to leaders, but instead, act according to our conscience. As soon as enough people realise this and act on it, we will have true and lasting peace all over the world. Then we will have not just an end to fighting and violence, but an end to all occupation and oppression of people and a sense of contentment in everyones hearts. May peace and happiness be with you and all your loved ones my friend.
Indika
I’m a defense personnel, and I have no shame in saying that I was floored and humbled by your words… I truly was, which in return brought me here to write a comment on an article for the first time… I was just a one year old when your Brother sacrificed his life for our motherland and quite frankly I hadn’t any idea, who he was (for my utter embarrassment) until I read this article, and it proved to me something that I’d always believed in. It’s that, real inspiration can only be drawn from real human beings, not from movie characters, which is why you shouldn’t have compared him to one… Because he was evidently more than that, so much more, and I’m nothing but Inspired by what I’ve read of him, here.
And your justification ( if I may say so) of the ‘Terrorist’ brought new light to my vision, that All of Us risk our lives for a cause, greater than our own existence. Thank You very much! By experience I can say that it’s hard to leave behind a life you’d gotten used to so much, to pursue your dream, specially when your dream is to serve your country or purpose. And I can’t agree with your view a hundred percent as well, that I’m sorry for all the families of the terrorist who’d lost their lives, because I frankly am not. & I’m glad that brave men like your brother endured all they had to, to bring peace upon my country. But Justice, is a matter of perspective, itself, that a thing that’s justified in my eyes, may not be in yours. Therefor I’m not going to argue with you on that.
All I can say is ‘Thank You!’; for your simple words full of depth, this heartfelt ode to your brother, and to your brother himself, for what he’d done for the country and his fellow men. I would be grateful if I could be at least half the man in the uniform that he was, while I thread my way through this path…
Thanura, thank you very much for the kind words. Thank you also for sharing your thoughts and views. They are very much respected by me. I understand that only you have walked in your shoes and know how you feel. I greatly admire your humility and have no doubt that you will go on to many great things, which will make us all proud!
Wow Indika what can I say, let me start with telling u that I am profoundly moved by your post, so much so that tears fell from my eyes. Your heartfelt love and wisdom shone through your post as u described Jani who is deservedly a huge inspiration, someone that never forgot his humanity despite engaging in actions that at surface level appeared to be contrary. You are very lucky to have had him in your life and his spirit will continue to live on, his courage, leadership and inner strength will continue to inspire and serve as a reminder to us all… The viral spreading of this post being a prime example. Thank u for summoning the courage to share his story and your feelings with such authenticity… I really enjoyed reading it and it made me stop and think so thank u again. x
Hey Sal, thanks so much for the kind and thoughtful words. I agree that I am very lucky indeed to have had a person like Jani in my life. Thanks and take care.
Hey Defo, Fabulous ‘Peace’ of writing mate! I bet your bro Jani would be so proud of his young brother not to mention your late parents. I remember lining up along Bogahahena Road standing in respect as his corpse was taken in full military honors. I look forward to reading your blogs most earnestly!! Good on you mate! Cheer’s
Hey Yohan, thank you for the kind words my friend! Take care.
Love from Pakistan! We too are faced with an internal ‘enemy’ just like in SriLanka… and I wish you could come to Pakistan and narrate your story in person… wars lead to nothingness, emptiness… only love truly conquers all… thank you brother!
Zain, thank you so much for your kind words. I hope things improve for you and for all of us everywhere. Let’s keep spreading the message of peace every way we can. Thank you brother and all the best!
A touching tribute. I salute him.
Thank you Chitral!
Indika that was such a moving and wonderful tribute to your brother. Thank you for sharing it. Nicky xx
Dear Indika – what a lovely way to grieve your beloved brother..I like your thoughts very much, and only wish that more and more srilankans share similar perspective on life, or whatever that’s left of the life-less people of srilanka. This ethnic conflict has hurt us so much that we all have lost someone, something or the other – I truly believe that there’s something beyond our frail human capacity at work on our beautiful motherland – perhaps the curse of Rama for Ravan’s deeds..!
As a jaffna born tamil, I thank you for your understanding of the struggles of the once influential, minority race of srilanka. The sad truth though that in time, the trace left behind by tamils on the island will be gone – so my hope is that words and views like yours will live forever.
may your brother’s soul rest in peace.
Dear Niranjan, Thank you so much for your kind words. My apologies for the delay in responding.
I agree with your thoughts with regard to the influence of some unseen force…my understanding is that it is not only in the case of Sri Lanka, but through out the world. Why else would peace-loving people kill each other, or people die of starvation when so much food goes to waste or is destroyed to protect prices and so on…
I hope that what you say about minority races (Tamil and others) would not come to pass. The country and the whole world will lose out on so much should such a thing happen. I remain optimistic that peace and unity will prevail.
Take care and best wishes to you and your loved ones for 2014.
Jani looked like an amazing human being. Thanks Indika for sharing this amazing story! #respect
Thank you Naveen!
Dear Indika – One of the best articles I read, and read each letter of it.
I tried, but could not stop tears
I cannot remember you or your brother in college, I was with UNI & JT.
When I read the first couple of paragraphs I thought to myself this guy has to be a Thomian & so it was.
Hat’s off to your brother.
May your brother’s soul rest in peace.
Dear Asoka, many thanks for your kind words and good wishes. Warm regards, Indika
To me tears don’t come easy. Right now I’m a quivering mess. All I can say is Estoperpetua. Class of 71
Thank you Sandy. Esto Perpetua!
Hi Indika,
You won’t know me but Senaka knows me well… I am a classmate of Jani and that Dan Byrd song you had to listen was because of my dear cousin… but before that came to be it was both of them and me and whoever i was with that used to always go out … many a day and evenings were spent together and the man called Jani was the one with a biggest heart… I had to listen to my fair share of his heartbreak too… but then it passed and he joined the army. Jani will always have a special place in my heart as he was always one of a kind!! If i may adopt a poem that has been recited many a time with apologies to the poet…
“He shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary him, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember him.”
May he rest easy!
Hey Dinesh, thanks for your lovely comment. I remember the old place at Police Park Avenue : ) My special thanks for reminding me of that great poem by Laurence Binyon. Yes, we will remember him and all the other Sri Lankans who died in this tragedy.
Dear Indika, Thank you for writing such a brilliantly thought out and amazingly experienced article. It is simply amazing. I have always been of the same contention – there is never a winner in a war, even when one party is victorious they can not be considered winners, because losing one life is similar to losing the war. When you lost your brother I was a 13 year old boy and had known nothing but war in my life here in Sri Lanka. The horrible conflict in which I saw many a friend and relatives of friends lost began when I was just under 4 years of age. Never had I seen such ugliness oozing out of humanity as I did on the streets of colombo as I did that day in July of 1983 as my father struggled to take us home safely. It is the day I first learned the 2 ugliest word I know – war and racism. Thank you for writing this beautiful article, it rings so close to my heart that I feel every bit of emotion with which you have written this wonderful experience so we can all share it. RIP Jani and thank you Indika. From Birendra “Jopy”
Dear Birendra, it is I who must thank YOU. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. They mean a lot to me. Here’s to the lasting peace that we all wish for our Motherland. Warm regards, Indika
Compelling thoughts and the story of a compelling man. This is transformative and should be read by all from this island at home and abroad.
Many thanks Bob! Your kind words are much appreciated.
Hi Indika,
Please speak with your brother, Senaka about the boats I got down in memory of your late brother, Jani.
Dear Ajith, many thanks for the comment and also for doing such a wonderful thing in memory of my brother. I will definitely ask Senaka Aiyya more about it! Warm regards, Indika
Well I am glad Jani is remembered for we were together at the Sri Lanka Military Academy, Diyatalawa. He was our immediate senior and one fella I will never forget. The days at the Academy 27 years back gives all those hard nuts nostalgic memories and Jani was a cynosure within. The pinnacle of affairs was when he was the decisive man in the basket ball team which went on to win the Inter Regiment Championship for the Academy.
Dear Colonel Izadeen, many thanks for commenting and for sharing those memories. I would have loved to have seen you guys in action on the basketball court! Warm regards, Indika
Hi Indika,
Beautiful read. explaining how we are part of the same Consciousness was probably my favourite bit as I feel if people understand how that network of energy works (irrespective of acknowledging it or not!) a lot of negatively that surrounds us can be eliminated.
do you know if this is translated to Sinhala as well? I believe access to different perspectives is the first step in positive change in our little Lanka.
Thank you for sharing your brother’s story. Love and courage to those who go on without him.
Dear Nat, many thanks for your kind words. I agree that awareness and understanding can set us free. I don’t yet have a Sinhala translation, but am working on this. I will be happy to email you a copy when it is done. Warm regards, Indika
Please send a word format of this to Colombo telegraph, they will publish, their email address is on their web page
Dear Nabil, thank you for that. Best regards, Indika
Hello Indika! I have never looked at your website before but I am so happy I decided to do so today! This is a really impactful piece, and it says so much about what value you hope to bring (and are bringing) to the world. Keep up the great work.
Hi Kerri! Many thanks for checking out my blog and for your kind words. Thank you and much love, Indika
Hi Indika,
I can’t recall how many times I read this article but your words move and inspire me. Your brother’s sacrifice, like those of millions of others all over the world, will never be in vain as long as a few are inspired to think (and act) morally.
Warmest regards,
Milinda
Thank you Milinda!
God bless you Jani. Rest in peace hero. Thank you for our freedom. Condolences to the family.
Great story told by a loving brother, I hope this is the first of more to come from both sides of the conflict, heroism and not so heroic, when they trickle out, soon it’ll be like the opening of a floodgate, the waters that’ll truely wash away the pain and anguish of the families that suffer in silence…RIP.
Quote – “I am writing to share with you the simple truth: that there can be no winners in human conflict. We are not wired that way. Even if we do what we think is the right thing to do. Even if we prevail over a so-called enemy who is armed and intent on ending our lives, it still hurts us as humans to harm our brothers and sisters. War and violence is at best, a ‘lose-lose’ proposition”
The words of Jani reflect something which our citizens cannot understand. In war , war is the biggest evil and it is not your enemy.
Jani was senior to me and he picked me as the one to be ‘ragged’ as we ‘prepites’ set our foot at mount in 1985. I brought a chocolate gateau as ‘grub’. Fortunately that was it but he never ‘pestered’ me thereafter. I really thought he will be a pain in the back. But we were very good friends later on though he was senior to me.
I still remember the day of his funeral. I was a trainee computer operator at Otters swimming club. I rushed out of the office at 4.00p,m to join the funeral in front of the ACBC on Bullers road.. It was one of the most painful moments of my life. Time passed by and I happen to meet a lady who is living close to our house. She was visiting lecturer at CA Sri Lanka where my wife is working. She paid a visit to our place and when I mentioned that I am a Thomian, she inquired about Jani. When I related what Jani ‘did’ to me she started to laugh out loud. She happened to be related to Jani’s mother. Her name is Muthulakshmi Jayasooriya.
Hey Sanjeeva, many thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment. Thanks for sharing that glimpse into Jani’s life and sorry about the ‘rag’ and the ‘grub’ : )
Thank you also for making to his funeral, even though you were at work that day. It meant a lot to us to see all his friends there on the day. It’s nice that you met my aunt too. What a small world!
She knows all of us very well as we used to stay with them when our parents were overseas (I was with her permanently and Jani used to come over during the school hols).
Thank you once again. Take care and best regards, Indika
Dear Indika,
I read this article every year and share it with my dear friends .. those lovely memories of Jani when your family lived in Nugegoda will always live with me.
I have had been blessed, priviledged to know all your family since childhood and still continue that bond …
Your Brother Jani sacrificed his young life for the benefit of all of us.
But as you have eloquently summarised in War there are no winners or losers . Human Kindness towards the greater good of our fellow beings.
As Buddha said”. A generous heart, kind speech, & a life of service & compassion are the things which renew humanity. ”
Shiva
Class of’79
Shiva Aiyya,
Thank you very much for reading, commenting on, and sharing this post.
It has been our privilege to know you and to have you in our lives.
Like you, I pray that more people will have the experience of sharing their lives with other loving souls and realise that we are all one family.
Thank you for the quote from the Buddha. I love it!
I will sign off with a quote from Bruce Lee “Under the sky, under the heavens, there is but one family.”
Take care bro and lots oflove,
Indika
Huge respect for this piece. Your brother’s legacy clearly lives on in you. In life he achieved a lot as a warrior. Perhaps in death, he will fight on through you, for peace…
May I request that you have this translated and published in both Sinhala & Tamil. I can help you with that, if that would be helpful.
Finally, I quote you below, in a line I believe sums up the predicament we find ourselves in today:
“The way I see it, we are all duped into this tragedy by those who seek to divide, control and rule over us. They are the real ‘terrorists’ and from this earthly perspective, they are the only ‘enemy’.”
Dear Chevan, Thank you very much for reading and for your kind words.
I would welcome your help in getting my message across to others who might want to hear it.
Like you, I pray that Sri Lanka and its people will get to experience true and lasting peace; that is – peace minus any of the fear, resentment or mistrust that some might still be feeling today.